Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
