How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
