there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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