He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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