I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need to align my fucking chakras
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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