What did we do last night that was yellow?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
