You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
