My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
