Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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