I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
