my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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