I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
