i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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