Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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