she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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