How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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