Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
