Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize