just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
