just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
