I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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