Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
