reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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