Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
