last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
