ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
