i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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