let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Text me some of your sweat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
