Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
