I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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