Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I said "one day" and that day is not today
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
