ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
