someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Your mouth is God's brothel.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I wear drunk well.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
