You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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