she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
