and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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