Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize