I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
