I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
