My brain says no but my pants say off.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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