i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
