I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
love makes seman taste better
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
