The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
