You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He better not be in your backpack
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
