Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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