I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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