I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come see our sink grown plant.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
