It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize