I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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