bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
