i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
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Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
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i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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