soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
