guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
