Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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