My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
