Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
