All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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