why didn't you poke me back
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
