i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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