forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
