You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
