if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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