I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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